What The Church Got Wrong About Dating
(A Paradigm Shift In Christian Relationships)
Discover a biblical, historical, and scientific approach to love, sex and dating that frees you from shame and brings you closer to God's true design.
- Break free from the 'purity culture' shame cycle
- Understand the neuroscience of attachment and dating
- Discover God's actual historical design for marriage
Here’s Everything You Get When You Order Today
We've packed this offer with tools to ensure your transformation sticks.
Pure Pleasure (Softcover Book)
The complete guide to understanding God's design for relationships.
$16.95
Bonus #1: The Pure Pleasure Mobile App
Daily devotionals and reminders to keep you on track.
Open the app$47.00
Bonus #2: Participant Workbook
Printable workbook for small groups or individual reflection.
Open workbook$19.95
$19.95
Bonus #4: Private Community Access
Join thousands of others on this journey in our private group.
$67.00
Total Value: $170.85
Your Investment Today:
$16.95
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Amazon handles the book purchase. Questions? Email ivan@ivanwgriffin.com.
From the desk of
Ivan W. Griffin
"Our love lives can quite easily be reduced to data."
“Our love lives can quite easily be reduced to data. For instance, by the time the average person ends up with the love of their life, they will have been in seven relationships. Of those, two are often long-term relationships, while the rest are a mix of short-term flings, casual dating and one-night stands. The average person will also fall in love two of those times, and have their heart broken twice as well.” This may sound familiar to you and for me, it's the story of my life. These words just happen to be the opening lines of the HBO Max series, Love Life (No, I didn't watch the series). While these statistics aren't real they seem believable because many of us can identify with this story. Many Christians can tell this story but it doesn't sound like what God had in mind for His people.
A Biblical, Historical, and Scientific Approach
Pure Pleasure isn't just an opinion. It stands on three unshakeable pillars to give you a complete picture of God's design.
Biblical Truth
- Uncover the true context of scripture often used to shame singles.
- See how biblical courtship actually worked (it's not what you think).
- Rediscover the Song of Solomon as a blueprint for passion.
- Learn why 'guarding your heart' doesn't mean closing it off.
Historical Perspective
- Trace the origins of 'dating'—a concept less than 100 years old.
- Understand how the Victorian era shaped our modern church views.
- See how Christians found love for 1,900 years before 'dating rules'.
- Separate cultural traditions from eternal commands.
Scientific Evidence
- How attachment theory explains your relationship patterns.
- The neuroscience of heartbreak and why you CAN heal fully.
- Why dopamine and oxytocin are God's design, not enemies.
- Practical brain-based tools to build secure connections.
Our Heart for Your Journey
My heart in writing Pure Pleasure is to lift the weight of confusion and shame around love, sex, and dating, and to point you toward God's good design. I want this book and its study guide to be a tool that serves you, your small group, and your church family.
If you have questions about using this material in your church or small group, or you’re wrestling with something it raises, you’re welcome to reach out. I’d be honored to help you walk through it.
What People Are Already Saying
"I love how honest and straightforward the writer is. From the beginning, this book had my attention. Reading it has provided me with great spiritual insight and has been an eye-opening experience for me. I would strongly recommend this book."
Juan
Reader
"Great overall biblical wisdom and evidence for navigating the landmines of relationships and sexuality with focused next steps to apply it."
Chad Earhart
Fog to Focus
"The chapter on history blew my mind. I had no idea 'dating' was such a new concept. It took so much pressure off finding 'the one' immediately."
David K.
Reader
"Finally, a resource I can give my daughters that doesn't just tell them to 'wait', but tells them HOW to live and love right now."
Linda M.
Mother of Teens
From the Pure Pleasure Blog
Latest insights on faith, relationships, and history.
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"Let's just get coffee." It sounds simple, but in modern Christian dating, it often masks a web of unstated expectations. Learn how to navigate the 'coffee date' with clarity and honor.
Why Situationships Hurt More Than You Think
A situationship is more than friendship but less than a relationship. Discover why this undefined romance hurts so much and how to find the courage to define or end it.
Stopping the Physical Boundaries Guessing Game
"How far is too far?" is often the wrong question. Learn why guessing boundaries leads to regret and how to have the awkward but necessary "Boundary Talk" early.
Can Christians Swipe Wisely?
Dating apps promise efficiency but can foster commodification. Explore how to use apps with your eyes wide open, applying principles of honor and reality over fantasy.
About Ivan W. Griffin
Ivan Griffin is an author, blogger, conference speaker, minister, and discipleship leader who teaches about love, sex and dating at churches around the country. He is a former Abstinence Educator who taught at many schools throughout the Kansas City, Missouri area.
He is the Founder, Chairman of the board and Director of Discipleship of a K-12 Christian School. He recruited and trained men to disciple other men at a parachurch organization and was a leader of a chapter of a discipleship organization called Teaching God's Infinite Wisdom. He is a former missionary with an international organization and resides in Kansas City, Missouri where he currently teaches at his home church.
His mission is simple: to help you move from fear and rules to freedom and connection.